Monday, November 30, 2009

Swifthack or ClimateGate?

Hmmm... seems the Melting Cult likes to call all those intercepted, conspirational emails from their priests of pollution "SwiftHack". This is of course a slam on the "deniers" (as they like to call them) and the whole ClimateGate email debacle.
See, the Melters can't stand to admit that the very foundation of their religion is false- as revealed by the emails. They claim the Earth's temperature is rising, yet the very emails I'm talking about say it isn't, and that this information must be kept from naysayers. Wow.
So what's with "Swifthack"? Well, on a lark, I wiki'd "Swiftboating" and sure enough, "swiftboating" is what the libtards call personal attacks. They derive this from the Swift Boat Vets who rallied against Hanoi John Kerry when he ran for President. The wiki page is hilarious, mentioning how all but a few of the accusations against Kerry couldn't be proven. Uh... that means some WERE proven. So swiftboating wouldn't be an accurate replacement for ad hominem. Yep, the leftards, who fancy themselves better than the rest of us, love to use big words. Ad Hominem is an attack on a person. As in, "Al Gore is a dumbass, so Global Warming can't be true". That would be an ad hominem argument, as it doesn't matter whether Al Gore is a dumbass or not- he could still be right on a subject despite his IQ. 
In effect then, the Melters claim that the emails do not sink the Global Warming boat, and that suggestions that they do are false. How that's an adhominem argument is beyond me. But then, the left is never known for logical thinking.  
Emails were hacked- True. Emails were between Melters- True. Emails detailed talk of concealing data andblocking peer review of "findings"- True.
You know the last time something big in science came up and others weren't allowed to test it, or couldn't test it, was Desktop (Cold Fusion). And the guys proposing it could be done were ridiculed. Science sure is impartial, isn't it?
What cracks me up is all the "scientists" who slap the word "science" on a theory and then hide behind the word like it's a religion. How dare we ignorant peasants question SCIENCE!

Global Warming and Santa Claus

Well, finally, Dr. Phil Plait, the Bad Astronomer, has commented on Climategate.
Until recently, I thought Dr. Plait was one of the coolest guys on the Internet. Then I started noticing that he constantly mocks and slams Creationism. I know, there's a lot there to mock, as many of the Creationists come across like Grade-A lunatics, but still, I gots to go by what the Bible tells me. But that's an argument for another time.
Nope, Dr. Plait has now clearly demonstrated his card-carrying membership in the Melting Cult.
"One reason I haven't talked about it is because I think it's a non-issue. These files are not evidence of fraud."
Uh, Dr. Plait, if scientists lied and conspired to misrepresent data to push the Anthroprogenic Global Warming idea (or whatever they call it), then yes, that is Fraud;
"fraud is an intentional deception made for personal gain or to damage another individual" (Courtesy wikipedia)
"You need to ask: do these emails and other hacked files change the actual science, the actual conclusions drawn by those scientists?"
Uh, yes, if data was changed, then yes, it should alter findings. I mean, if there are records showing a decrease in global temperatures, and it was changed to show an increase, then yeah, that's pretty altering.
"Bottom line? Yawn. Get back to me when you have equally overwhelming evidence that global warming is not happening, or if it is it's not anthropogenic. Then we can talk."
Geez, that's like saying "when you have overwhelming evidence that Santa didn't bring presents on Christmas morning, get back to me."
See, that's what we have here- a Santa-like argument.
Presents do appear every Christmas morning. It's a fact- like the supposed rise in global temperatures the Melters preach. But are that Clausprogenic or Parentprogenic? If you decide to test this theory after getting your presents, how can you prove it either way? Dust for prints? Just declare the idea that Santa can't exist as proof enough?
Santa is a real person, by Christian standards. St. Nicholas was present at the Council of Nicea, and helped lay the foundation of the Church. His tomb is regularly visited by thousands, every year. He's the frickin' Patron Saint of Pawnbrokers. And, again from a Christian perspective, if he was a Saint, then he is enjoying eternal life, alongside Jesus right now. Maybe he lives in Heaven, maybe at the Northpole. Maybe Heaven is at the Northpole?
But how do we know that Santa brought those presents? How do we know our parents didn't bring those presents? It's far more likely that our parents, who had access to the Christmas tree and stockings, and who were home Christmas night, left the presents. But it's still a theory, either way.
Global Warmers claim that man is responsible for global warming. But how do they know that the sun isn't responsible? The sun has been around for billions of years (if you're a Darwinist- thousands, if you're a Creationist). SUVs have only been around for what, 20 years? If the sun were responsible for changes in temperature, there'd be like, a historic record of that. You know, in periods where there were no SUVs. Like when the Vikings lived in Greenland.
Sorry, Melters, but there's far more evidence that Santa brings presents on Christmas morning, than there is that mankind is responsible for the Earth warming. Of course, you probably lie to your kids and tell them there's no Santa, too.

Lights UNDER Louisville

Now that the Christmas season is upon us, it's time to start planning that old family tradition of drving around to look at Christmas lights.
Every year, my family goes through this- we load up the kids, blankets and some hot chocolate then begin the drive around the county, seeking out neighborhoods with some Christmas spirit. Inevitably the kids get tired and cranky and the Christmas spirit falls victim to road fatigue.
The Louisville Mega-Caverns have solved this problem. They have a drive-thru light show underground.
Basically, the mega-caverns is a former underground quarry, that is now used as underground storage. A sort of subterranean warehouse. Tours are offered throughout the year as portions of the site were once a civil defense shelter.
For the Christmas season, they've set up 35 displays of lights. The kind of displays normally seen in front of churches or schools, not generally in people's front yards. $20 a carload gets you in a slow, underground drive that takes 20 to 30 minutes.
Then you go home. Genius.
That's right, $20 for a sure thing. Enough lights to keep your kids happy, all just a short drive away from anywhere in the mteropolitan area.
I wouldn't recommend a manual transmission, though. The constant stop and go, despite the cheery Christmas spirit, would make manual shifting very annoying. And no need to worry about fumes. Fans larger than your car are set up to keep air circulating.
A great time for sure, and way easier than driving back and forth, looking for lit up neighborhoods.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Happy Veteran's Day

At first, I wasn't going to make this wish- seeing as how I'm a veteran. Sounds kind of weird to thank yourself. Then I remembered that it always seems that the only people who ever express this to me are family and other veterans.
That's lame.
Do you people realize what veteran's go through when they join the military? Let me put it in very simple terms for you: it's indentured servitude, ie, slavery.
When you're in the military, you don't get to go wherever you want. You're the property of the military and you do what they say. hell, you can't even put your hands in your pockets, or go without a hat, outside (unless you're off duty, of course). You can't call in sick because you want to stay home and play a new video game or sneak out of work early to go catch some new movie.
Then there's that whole risking-your-life-to-protect-others thing. I mention it last, because many civilians live in a candy-coated fantasy world where they think they have the "Right" to do whatever they want wherever they want. Take this 24 year old mother and college graduate I work with. She didn't know that people can't leave China without the government's permission. Political Asylum was a foggy memory she didn't fully recall from high school.
Here's the fact, slackers. Without the military, and the sacrifices of veterans, both in blood, and personal liberties, you would all be calling each other comrade, and working for the same money, or freezing to death while starving, in some Gulag in Alaska. The only thing that keeps other nations from coming in and taking whatever they want from your home is the armed men and women of your military.
Don't think we shoudl be in Iraq or Afghanistan? Fine, you're entitled to your opinion, as uneducated and civilian as it is. But how about for one damn day of the year you put that aside and thank all the current military members and veterans you know for guaranteeing you the right to express that opinion?
We'd really appreciate it.

Be Thankful for What You've Got

Now that Halloween is over, the stores are in full swing for Christmas- with decorations, toys and sales out in full force. And, if you look real hard, some Thanksgiving decorations are in there too.
I'm not really sure which angers me more- my wife trying to buy Thanksgiving decorations, the lack of them in the stores, or the fact that the stores basically overlook Thanksgiving.
Don't get me wrong- the birth of Jesus is very important. We should celebrate it. A lot. But somehow, I don't think that the aisles and aisles of tacky decorations, self-illuminated trees and Christmas Barbies are all that religiously significant. More like a way to seperate greedy fools from their money.
Thanksgiving is the celebration of being thankful for what we have- not of what we can get. We're all told the story as children of the poor pilgrims who didn't plan for winter and the indians (or Native Americans, if you prefer) brought them food and basically kept their dumb asses alive. The Pilgrims are very thankful in this tale. And our tradition of gorging ourselves and inviting others to our home to do the same comes from this thankfulness.
So should we be running out to buy up a bunch of turkey decorations? No. We should be happy with what we have. Make do with what we have and be grateful we have even that. Does that mean the stores' lack of turkey stuff mean they grasp the make do with what you have philosophy? No, they just want to get a jump on the holiday sales. And in so doing, they've brainwashed our populace into buy, buy, buy on November 1st.
So when you're out, driving like an idiot in an effort to steal parking spaces, or shuffling along like the undead in the stores, Christmas list in one hand, coupons in the other, be thankful. Be thankful for something. The coupons, the fact you have money to spend, or maybe the fact you live in a country that allows you the freedom to act so foolishly.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

I am being haunted by the Spirit of BMW! Someone make it stop!
A few weeks ago, Electronic Arts, as a promotional gimmick for a new video game, NEED FOR SPEED: Shift, announced a contest where you could win copies of the game and one lucky bastard could win a brand new 2010 BMW M3 car! All from commenting on Twitter.
Now, normally, I don't enter contests like this. Because I never win anything. But something made me enter this contest. A feeling like, "I can win". And sure enough, I did win- a free book bag embroidered with "Need for Speed" on day 4 of the contest, and a copy of the game on day 5. Two wins in a row!
And Day 6? Well, it was really odd... but I started seeing BMWs. Everywhere. I live in the midwest, and I don't normally pay attention to the cars around me- unless it's a monster truck, antique or something truly out of the ordinary. But on Day 6, I started noticing BMWs. 5 of them in the 20 minute drive to work.
On the way home, I noticed several more. I talked to my wife about it. She was convinced it was a good sign- maybe I had won the BMW. Three's a charm, afterall. That night, I checked Twitter- but there was no announcement as to who won the BMW.
For the next week, the pattern continued- I'd see BMWs where ever I went. On one scary occasion, I pulled into a Sam's Club parking space- right up to a BMW. Yet, each day, there was no annoucement for the winner. But by now I was convinced I could actually have won. I have to admit, I was pretty excited- especially given my previous track record of never winning.
After about a week though, the thrilling idea that maybe I could finally have won something "big", had worn off. I began to consider exactly what would happen if I did win. For one, the car is too small. I'm 6'4", have a wife, two kids and a dog. And the M3 is not a very big car. More of a two door sports coupe. Can you imagine trying to pack the family AND groceries into such a tiny car?
And what about licensing and registration? Insurance? Vehicle maintenance? The idea of winning the BMW became downright scary. I decided that when I won my BMW I'd have to give it up. Despite turning 42 this month, I'm not going through any mid-life crisis, so I don't need a fast sports car. And why should I tighten up the family budget and make my family suffer for a car we all couldn't ride in together? No, I decided the right thing to do would be to sell the car, and get something roomier than my current Toyota Camry. Like a minivan or something. With DVD players for the kids.
And that is precisely when I jinxed myself. Counting my chickens before they hatched. Dreaming about how much the kids would love having a roomy minivan to ride around in and watch DVDs in. All because the Spirit of BMW was stalking me.
But you know what? They still haven't announced the winner!
And I keep seeing BMWs! Without fail, every time I go out, no matter where I drive, I see BMWs. It's like the Sixth M3 Sense or something. "I see Beemers...."
I accept I haven't won the BMW. Really. Clearly, the winner has been notified and they are confirming their eligibility (age, no connection with EA, etc. etc). I'm not depressed or anything. I knew I could never win anything that big. But I did get a great game for free and have enjoyed playing it on my Xbox 360.
But why do I keep seeing Beemers?! Is fate taunting me that I didn't win? Can there be that many people in suburban southern Indiana all of a sudden driving BMWs?!
When will it end?
Can I enter a contest for another car? Will that make it stop? Because there is no way I could ever afford a BMW, and given their size and inherent expensiveness, I don't think I'd ever want one. Heck, if I won the lottery, I wouldn't want a Beemer- despite their perfect manufacturing, I'd opt for something more rugged, roomy and off-roady, like a big-ass SUV. a BMW is NOT a family car.
I'm starting to wonder if the whole M3 contest wasn't a precognitive warning of my impending death. Am I about to be run over by a BMW? Is my fate to cross the street and get slammed by some inattentive yuppie Christmas shopper?
Aw, Humbug...

Wednesday, November 04, 2009 Saves the Day!

Check out for the best darned survival deal yet! A micro HDTV tuner that plugs into your laptop, enabling you to watch weather reports or keep the kids amused with TV during a power outage! Act fast, these humdingers won't last long at $19.99!!!

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Tonight at 8: The Aliens are among us!

(The following article is written entirely tongue-in-cheek, so don't get your panties in a bunch)
Tonight, at 8PM on ABC, the Visitors are coming.
A remake of the classic 80s alien-infestation series comes to TV; the tale of aliens pretending to be friendly, but really are here to take over our world and eat us.
Sadly, life has imitated art, since the 1980s.
I'm talking, of course, about illegal aliens. And their parasitic brain worms.
Unlike David Icke, and his outlandish idea that reptilian aliens have infiltrated human government and are slowly working toward taking over the world (a plot he clearly lifted form the 1980s V series), I'm talking about the very real threat of illegal aliens from parts south.
First off, where do all these illegals come from? Estimates are that 11,000,000 live in the U.S. That's a pretty huge chunk of any population.
Secondly, I don't know about where you live, but the illegals in my area just don't look right. I know I only lived in California for two years, but the hispanic peoples there looked nothing like the folks I see here in sunny, Southern Indiana. There were gorgeous senoritas everywhere I looked in California. But here? Here I've seen a grand total of one, ONE, "gorgeous" senorita in the past two years. Working the drive thru at McDonalds.
For one, the illegals around here are tiny. Like, little green men, or "Greys" tiny. And they abduct people- or at least kids. There have been several cases in my county alone of these little brown men molesting children. Small but dangerous.
I am constantly passing micro hispanics, or Latinoputians, when I'm out, and I am amazed by how small they are. I don't recall seeing so many tiny people when I lived in California. And while I am heavier than I was those 15 years ago, I didn't get any taller.
Then there's the bulbous heads. In Japan, they'd be "super deformed" (look it up, it's a manga reference). They're like toddlers- little bodies, and huge heads.
Manners? Well, none of the latinoputians I see in this area seem to have any. They talk in overly loud voices, rambling their native tongue in what would be considered a rude fashion in any land, or language. There are no meek latinoputians I have encountered. I guess it could be called a Napolean-complex, but he was French...
I have come to the conclusion that these aliens I'm seeing aren't "mexicans" as so many call them, but replicant Mexicans. Or Mexicants. Sad copies of the hard working, friendly, pleasant, well-mannered, God-fearing people I got to know when I lived in California. Perhaps these mexicants are the dregs of their society, and moved to the mid-west because no one would accept them in California. That would explain the unusually high rate of crime the mexicant communities in our area have.
Or maybe they're aliens. Space aliens. Yeah, one of these days, some mexicant woman is going to peel off her face mask, revealing some hideous lizard face. Then she'll eat my hamster.

Monday, November 02, 2009

Someone assaulted every 30 seconds?

Okay, I think this is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read...
I have a hard time believing EVERY 30 seconds... take, for example, the time period of 3:37:30 to 3:38:00. Does someone really get assaulted at this particular time, every day? Or what about 6:03:00 to 6:03:30... having lived in Europe, I can guarantee you that they are too busy rolling up the sidewalks and boarding up the windows to repel wolfmen and frankenstein monsters to do any assaulting.
Poppy cock.
Every 30 seconds indeed...
For that matter- do all victims have atomic watches? Does any Briton have an Atomic watch? Here in the U.S. Atomic Watches are updated from a radio signal in Kansas. I don't think the signal reackes the U.K.
How then do they know the precise time they were assaulted? Oh, sure, they might say, "I was walking down the street at 5;17 and 34 seconds, when suddenly this red-haired blighter with a cricket bat and red on his shirt whacked me in the head"... but really, do they know for sure that was the time?
Let's do some math... an attack EVERY 30 seconds means that two attacks are happening every minute. And 120 every hour. And 2,880 attacks every day. According to wikipedia, the U.K. has a populace of 59, 680,000. That means that every Briton is attacked once, every 56 years. Egads! With an average lifespan of 70-something, that means some Britons are being attacked more than once in their lifetimes! Didn't they learn anything the first time? Why can't they defend themselves?!
And who's doing the attacking? Those who were themselves attacked? Is this a viral attack-begets-attack situation? I knew the Brits went nuts at soccer games, but geeze...
And how many of the people being attacked are children? Infants? Britain sounds like a truly violent place...