Saturday, April 11, 2015

A Social Media Experiment

If you have luck like me, you've had to call in to a corporate "support" division and complain. You know, broken product, interrupted service, etc. etc.

In my many years, I have found that not only does this also lead to dangerous blood pressure levels, it seldom accomplishes anything. And if you weren't convinced the corporations don't give a shit, the fact many of them (AT&T, for example) have installed robot services. Apparently, it's become tooexpensive to emply semi-fluent Hindus to robotically answer complaint calls.

So here's my new experiment after blowing a half hour of my time. I'm going to prove social media shaming works for customer support. I mean, I know it works. I've used Facebook pages many times to get somewhere with uncaring corps.

See, when I call in and try and explain my plight to an uncaring Ghanesh worshipper, I get the run aroudn and no one but me and my cardiologist knows it. But when I owl at the moon online, say, Facebook, everyone knows it. And we can't have that. Oh, no, they have people who respond to these kind of public-image-damagign complaints. Often immediately.

I just need to convince the rest of my fellow interneters that THIS is the way to get customer support. Complain online and make a human take action. being put on idenfinite hold or talking to a robot service that mistakes the sound of creaking wood in the background as your answer just won't do.

Here's how the experiment will work.

Step 1, I post a pissed off comment on AT&T's Facebook page.

Seeing as how the people you talk to in person with Uverse are little asholes, and then when you call in, you get robotic, English-as-second-language liars, I'll try raising as much hell as possible here, until AT&T satisfactorily resolves my issue. What is my issue you ask? Well, at about 1:55 PM Eatserntoday, I noticed my Uverse service was out. I noticed this as I was trying to use the internet as I worked on my latest novel. It worked at about 1PM. Lo and behold, turns out that a Uverse installation tech, four foot tall, mustachioed "Justin" was next door installing new service. I walked over and interrupted his chit chat with the resident and informed him he killed my service. Oh, no, not he. Wise Napolean Bonaprick advised all he did was disconnect one wire, then reconnect a wire to give her service. (Her being my new neighbor he was tryign to flirt with). I told Justin that no, my service was down, wasn't down a half hour before, and he needed to walk over and fix it. Oh, no, he can't do that--not without a service ticket. I triedto see hisnametage but it had no name on it and Justin, if that's his real name gave me his name. Then as I told him I'd just call in, he short-manned and rattled off some number. Oh, he's so clever. 

AT&T, I want "JUSTIN" reprimanded. I dont' pay your ridiculously high prices so some little punk with an attitude, hopped up on viagra and hoping to renact the cable guy porno movie he watched last night can be a smart ass to try and impress some woman. I expect a "Sorry, about that. I'll check it out in just a few minutes, sir." 

I also don't expect tocall in to your robo call center, fight my way through to Ghanesh, then get "we'll write you up a ticket for that." 

Nor do I expect to be told that I can talk to a supervisor than get "forgotten" hold. 

I expect an apology. I expect a reprimand for "Justin". And I expect a free moivie or somethign for the hour I've wasted on this and the near-heart atack it's given me as my blood boils to Ultimate Fighting levels. 

You can expect to keep hearing from me until this is resolved. And your competitiors might expect a call a for new service.

Step 2, I await a satisfactory answer.

(Optional) Step 3, I begin posting daily, until that answer comes along. See, it costs money to respond, or erase posted complaints. Eventually, my squeaky wheel gets answered.

Step 4 (or is that 3) I post the results here, and come up with a clever trending tag, like #ForgetGhanesh or something.

We dont' have to play this game folks. There's a reason why was a site and why HP took legal action to get it pulled. Customer service is a fairy tale. Public Relations isn't. One makes money, one costs money. To get the service they charge us so much for, we just have to know which one to use.

Because the customer is always right.