Wednesday, January 06, 2010

GSCE Candidate: David Lister

It's 2010, the Year We Make Contact. That means Scifi needs to get over the Mayan 2012 doomsday "prophecy", post-apocalyptic craze, and embrace space travel. And what better way to celebrate Scifi's outer space roots than by deciding who is the Greatest Starship Captain Ever?
David Lister (Craig Bierko) Red Dwarf
Captain Skills: 0
Lister was a second class service technician trained only in the repair of food dispensing machines. Afte the crew of the Red Dwarf were all killed by radiation, he became the sole surviving crew member and by default, Captain. Unfortunately, Lister has absolutely no Captain skills whatsoever.
Starship Combat Skills: 0
Even if the Red Dwarf had some kind of weapons system, it is highly unlikely Lister could direct the ship to defeat even an unarmed opponent. In all likelihood, Lister would instead somehow manage to shoot the Red Dwarf with it's open weaponry.
Crew: 2
A hypochondriac android, a self-absorbed Cat person and a complete idiot Hologram make for a crew that often endangers the Red Dwarf's very existence.
Personal Combat Skills: 2
Despite being a complete slacker, Lister has had experience fighting during his youth. He is barely able to defend himself, and at least possesses the ability to fire a weapon.
Ladies Man: 3
Lister is very interested in the ladies, but alas, it does not seem to be the other way around.
Coolness: 4
A slob of a magnitude rarely seen, with little to no musical abilities, Lister somehow manages to come across as a likeable guy. Which surely indicated he is cooler than most.
Total score: 11 out of 30.
As expected, Lister completely flunks at being a Starship Captain, with a score of 37%. Did you expect otherwise?

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