Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Tis the Season Report: Donuts!

So I'm driving to work today, trucking along about 33mph when this woman pulls out in front of me, crossing the road I am on from my left to my right. Worse, after pulling out, she actually slows down, forcing me to slam on my brakes. She then proceeds slowly across the road as I'm laying into my horn.
Her destination?
The donut shop. She had to cross the road I was driving on (and on which I had the right-of-way) to go get some damn donuts.
Now there are three really good reasons she shouldn't have done this:
1. It was illegal. I had the right of way.
2. It's the Christmas season- you're supposed to be on your best manners, not your worst, this month. You should hold open doors for others, let others go first, etc. etc.
3. I was having a bad morning already, and if my wife and 4 year old weren't in the car with me, I think I would have rammed her. The thought actually crossed my mind.
Let me rewind...
Last night we had all these storm warnings that it was going to be horrifically windy, power could go out, etc. etc. So I stayed up late, washing clothes, charging all the portable electronics etc. I also washed my work boots, then found out that I couldn't dry them in the dryer. The shoe-drying tray for our dryer had vanished- stored away somewhere by the missus.
I awoke this morning, and find my boots didn't air-dry yet. Nice. Nothing like starting your day with damp boots. Anticipating some mildew on the boots, I started looking for the aerosol can of Lysol to spray them down. Can't find it. It's vanished. The missus then gets me the Febreeze instead. And starts spraying the outside of the boots.
After explaining the boots don't stink on the outside, I take the Febreeze and spray one boot inside, wondering if Febreeze can prevent mildew- I thought it was for masking odors AFTER they form. I go to do the next boot, and WHAM! The bottle falls off the spray handle, hitting the floor and sending up a jet of Febreeze. All up my pant leg, and from my belt to armpit. Nice. Now I get to smell all girly-fresh all day. And hopefully, Febreeze doesn't stain.
Then there's the normal three ring circus of getting a 4 year old ready for Grandma's; a 10 year old ready for school; the wife ready for work; and the dog- who got to stay inside today because of all the "wind damage" being predicted by local weathermen.
By the time we pull out of the driveway in our little family motor pool, we're already late. And I'm grinding my teeth and ready to go all Postal on someone.
Then Ms. Donut-head has to pull out right in front of me.
Would a jury have convicted me if I had accelerated and rammed into her car?
I sure hope she was having some frickin' donut emergency- although at her leisurely speed, I doubt it.

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