@SamsClub The Home of the Bait and Switch?

As SuperBowl weekend approaches, many of you are no doubt contemplating upgrading to a bigger and better television. If you've shopped at Sam's Club before, you may think it is the place to get the best deal on a television. Ordinarily, you'd be right. But not this week.

 

On Tuesday, January 24, 2012, Sam's was offering a Westinghouse, 120Hz, 46" LED-LCD for $568.00. Compared to HH Gregg and Sears, who each want over $700 for the same set, that's quite a deal. I was sure sold.

 

I don't need this TV for any silly football game. I need it to replace a TV that has broken. My 42" LG LCD set. See, I recently had an electrical short in my home. In the course of helping me fix it, my father-in-law decided it'd be a good idea to fan a breaker back and forth, off and on, several times in one second. The next day, my beloved LG developed a problem with its display. Half the screen would go black. A tap on the edge of the case and the picture restored. This continued for days, growing worse to the point that the TV now will suddenly show vertical lines of colors. Meaning I have to get up, tap the edge and hope it comes back on.

 

I need a new set.

 

After much online searching, I finally chose the Westinghouse at Sam's. This morning, January 25, 2012, I checked the price one last time. Oh, ho! It was down to $524. Even better! And it was time for the family's ever-other-week trip for supplies to Sam's anyway.

 

Unfortunately, when we got there, the Westinghouse was nowhere to be seen. I checked my smart phone and discovered the set is now an online-only order. I checked Walmart.com. They have the set for $499.99. Online only. Target? $499.99, online only- but with free shipping.

 

What the hell?

 

Why pull a set that was confirmed in-stock yesterday, and tell customers they have to order it? What's the point of marking something down but not offering it for sale?

 

I asked a sales person. If I ordered online, I couldn't pick the set up- they'd ship it to my home. Next week. I was not happy with this answer. She suggested I go to the customer service desk. That's fine, except there always seems to be a long line there.

 

Here's the deal. Sam's lures people in with the promise of a set at a great price. When you get there, it's gone. All the other 46" LED-LCD TVs are $600 or more. That is a classic bait-and-switch.

 

Why should I give Sam's my money? I mean, if I have to wait for the set I want, why not buy it from Target? I'm not buying a set to watch football on- I'm replacing a TV my kids and I watch daily. I need a set now.

 

This whole thing has me not wanting to shop at Sam's ever again. Target is right down the road, and we shop there every-other-week as well. Why not give Target all our money? The only reason we go to Sam's is to buy in bulk and try and save money.

 

Sam's is using trickery to get as much of your money as possible. They proclaim great deals, and normally they have some. But because they know a lot of folks are all hyped up about sports, they've decided to go greedy and try and fleece the masses. I'd expect that kind of behavior from Walmart. But I thought their cousin company was better.

#ParentTip Teaching Your Kids NOT to Curse

There comes a time in every parent's life when they hear their child utter a profanity for the first time. For me, it was when my oldest was almost 3 and she blurted out "F*CK!"

 

Horrifying.

 

In all fairness, it was my fault. Like a veritable indoor Cody Lundin, I like to go barefoot at home. This is often dangerous when small children lay their toys about. Especially girls with their chintzy vending-machine jewlery. In this case, a metal ring undoubtably made of 50% lead, imported from the finest of Indian jewlers. When I placed my foot on it, then pressed my (then) 265 pounds down on it, it very nearly sliced through my callouses. I immediately exlaimed the F-word, and struck the wall that happened to be nearby. My daughter thought it was hilarious and burst out laughing. For several days thereafter, she would run around and declare "F*CK!" then hit the wall and break out laughing.

 

Not long after, we adopted the "movie talk" policy: you may only use movietalk if you are in a movie, or when you reach 18. It has worked for years.

 

Alas, as the children have grown older and become more exposed to life, they are beginning to hear more and more colorful language. Especially from the internet.

 

Just a few nights ago me and the kids watched some Youtube gamer videos- I'm fascinated by the ways so many people find to glitch and cheat in games. We stumbled across very polissibly the funniest gamer on the internet: ROBBAZ- King of Sweden. Amongst the colorful language we heard from Robbaz was him calling the other team in a commentary of a BF3 match "Pussies" (or as he says it, poo-sies; he has a funny swedish accent). Yoinks!

 

The next night, me and the girls waited in the minivan while the wife grocery shopped (the van having a DVD player and comfortable leather seats- making it far more comfortable than pushing a shopping cart). During this waiting time, my eldest, Sammie, decided to quote Robbaz, and uttered the word "Pussies".

 

Argh.

 

I told her not to say that word... then had to explain why she can't. Crap.

 

I hastily explained that pussies are pussycats, and went into one of my mind-numbingly boring dissertations on the origin of the phrase: how in 1950s people called someone very nice and quiet a pussycat, etc. etc. I then went on to explain that pussycats are the weakest of animals- that even a small child could kill one, and so a "pussy" was someone overly weak. I told her that there was another use of the word that is cursing, and that she didn't need to know it, but just don't use the word and but that Robbaz meant it as a "sissy"-type remark on his gaming opponents.

 

Ha! Clever, on-the-fly lying points for me...

 

Hours later, as I reflected on this, I thought, "Oh, my God, what if my daughter says that word at school? In front of her mother?

 

After a talk with the wife, I decided it was time for a conversation about cursing with my 12 year old.

 

I revealed the origins of the word again... from harmless 1950s & 60s term for a quiet, nice, etc person, to the shortened euphemism for a female body part in the 1970s and 1980s, to it's over use in the 1990s, leading to it cavalierly being thrown about now as a term for a weak person. I equated it to "pantywaist" a term not used much anymore. Then I had to explain that. I stated that I prefer she use "wussy" if she had too, but admitted I don't know the origins of that one.

 

We then went on to cover other profanities, "balls", "Bollux", "fag", etc. etc. I liked to throw the British terms in to demonstrate how something harmless-sounding here might be offensive in other countries and vice-versa. For example, "Tits", another of Robbaz's favorites. I explained teats, boobs, knockers, hooters, etc. I explained that "tit" doesn't have the same offensiveness overseas as here. I should have explained "tit-mouse" but I completely blanked on that one.

 

In the end I answered her questions about other words she's heard at school ("Chode" for example). I explained why boys like to talk about "hot dogs" and "weiners" and why they think it's funny. And I got an agreement that she not repeat any word she doesn't know the meaning of until checking it with me.

 

Thank goodness the wife had already given a Birds and Bees 101 talk. it would have been f*cking awkward to have that conversation with a 12 year old.

 

So to all you Youtubers out there... please watch it with the sex talk. Children are watching.

 

 

Don't Order From WBSHOP.com

Anyone out there in the internet land thinking of ordering from the WB Shop... think twice.

 

I ordered a set of DVDs Nov. 14th. Still hasn't been processed.

I have emailed twice asking wazzup. Finally got a response:

 

nlc-shadow@digilink.net has been notified via email that their
mailbox is full.  If your message is urgent, you should
contact them on the telephone. Thank you.

 

I don't know who nlc-shadow is, but he needs to read his damned emails.

Is your Furnace Working?

It's nearly winter here in the midwest, and that's the time of year that many people find out that their furnace isn't working.

 

Fear not, just because the heat won't come on, doesn't mean you have to panic and call a repairman.

 

Here's a quick troubleshooting checklist anyone should be able to do to get things working:

 

1. Check the batteries on your thermostat. Replace them even. Bad batteries can cause the whole system to go off. Or maybe someone (your kid) played with the thermostat and turned it off, or broke it. Thermostats are under a hundred dollars, sometimes under $50 at your local home improvement store. Changing a thermostat is more complicated than changing a light bulb, but less complicated than changing a bad breaker.

 

2. Check the air returns to make sure nothing is blocking air flow TO the furnace. Gas furnaces have a safety feature where they kick off if they can't pull in enough air. This is to prevent catching themselves on fire

 

3. Check the vents- to make sure they aren't blocked, preventing proper air flow (see #2)

 

4. Check your breakers. Maybe one tripped, shutting off power to a part of the furnace. Like the main or secondary blowers.

 

5. Check the filters- a clogged filter can prevent proper air flow. (See #2)

 

6. Look for an error code light. For example on my Trane, there is a curcuit board with an LED. Through a window in the front access panel, you can see the light blink. Count the blinks. Take off the panel off (when the furnace isn't running)and there should be a chart that tells you what the blinks mean. It might be a return heat sensor (upper limit) that's gone bad (ours has three times in 12 years). If it goes out, the furnace thinks it's too hot and shuts off. (See #2)

 

7. Check to make sure the panels are on right- they have to have a good seal to prevent bringing in outside air. If a panel has been knocked loose, the system may shut off- similar to what happens when you open the door to your dryer.

 

8. Get your make and model number and google, google google. You might find it's some simple other problem.

Thanksgiving contest from Food Network?

It's bad enough that companies like Food network claim to give out fabulous prizes, that you never actually see awarded, but this latest email from FN really takes the effin' cake:

 

DEEP FRIED THANKSGIVING SWEEPSTAKES

 

Fry up your turkey day! Enter Food Network's Thanksgiving sweepstakes daily for a chance to win your very own indoror turkey fryer and $4,500.

 

 

When you visit the contest page, you see this:

 

Enter DAILY for a chance to win an indoor turkey fryer and $4,500! You may enter once a day through November 21st at 5PM ET.

But when you read the rules, you find that...

The Grand Prize Winner will be selected in a random drawing from among all eligible entries on approximately November 28, 2011, by an independent judging organization, and will be contacted by phone within approximately two (2) days of the drawing.

 

Cmon, Foodnetwork. You can do better than this. WTF?! How about giving away a fryer (which I don't believe they will do) BEFORE Thanksgiving.

 

They're probably a bunch of Candians and don't even know when Thanksgiving is.

A VAN-tastic Weekend

What a weekend this past one was. Chock full of the perils of parenting and modern day life.

It began on Friday with a quick trip to the local Target to get a birthday card for our friends' little boy. He had a party the next day, and when we got his present earlier in the week, the wife forgot to pick out a card.

I didn't know it at the time, but that turned out to be a $250.00 card.

Saturday, we went to the party, leaving the hous elate as folks with kids so often do. We cruised up the interstate to our friends' house, arriving in their town on a quarter-tank of gas. Whoops. No problem, we pulled into the local Circle K for a fill up. Except the pumps wouldn't come on.

The thing I love most about using a debit card is not having to go into a gas station and stand in line like a schmuck. To get gas. Instead, I swipe at the pump, select my fuel, pump and go. It's awesome. Unless the people inside don't activate the pump. And instead turn it off. And you have to swipe your card three more times. Then you move to another pump, and it too takes your card, tells you to pump, but the idiots inside won't authorize the pump to start. That's annoying. And a good way to add 20 more minutes onto your lateness. Thankfully, there was a working gas station across the street.

The party was pretty standard fair for an 8 year old. Kids running around playing, no structured activities, while the parents sit around and talk. In this case the parents being my wife, her two female co-workers and one other husband. Myself and the other husband didn't say much.

The party over, we took our kids and headed home, stopping at a McDonalds for some cool drinks. In the case of my over-heated 6 year old, a chocoloate milk shake. Not a good idea.

Once home, me and the kids enjoyed a little TV then crashed on air matresses and sleeping bags on the basement movie room's floor about 11:00 PM. At 2:00 AM or so, my littlest sits up and does an admirable Linda Blair/Exorcist impersonation- vomiting all over her blankets, sheet and mattress. In my dadcave.

A half hour later, after disposing of he chocolate and hot dog chunks (and the sheet they were on), we were all cleaned up and the weekend basement camping resumed. Cause I needed my sleep since I'd be moving furniture on Sunday.

3:00AM or so, my littlest awoke again.. with dry heaves. Been there, done that. Just not from drinking chocolate milkshakes.

The next day, the furniture move commenced. It was time to get rid of the pee couch.

I never knew girls bedwet until my six year old started doing it on my recliner couch in the basement dadcave. Despite scotch guarding and a bottle of dog urine-removing enzymatic cleaner, my couch got ruined in the first few months of the year. I tried to mask the smell with Febreeze, and a couch cover, but that human urine smell just doesn't seem to go away. On top of that, the 12 year old couch finally gave out on one side, it's recliner mechanism buckling under my Shrek-sized mass. It was time for a new couch.

As luck would have it, a friend is getting married. He and his new wife have to reduce their two households to one. Which meant yardsale. And a gently-used couch and recliner. For me.

grabbing a buddy of mine and folding down the stow and go seats in the minivan, I began the move.

It was as I was opening the doors to the van at my engaged friend's home that I noticed the damage to my van. Parking lot hit and run. Maroon paint, from a maroon's car, down the passenger side of my van. Including a nice 6-inch groove in the body above the rear wheel well. How my wife and oldest daughter missed this getting in and out of the van is beyond me. But it was very clear: we got hit at Target. Friday.

After a bout of cursing, I got the couch in my van and headed home. Already pissed off, and not really wanting to carry the pee couch up my basement stairs, I broke out some wrenches and a hand saw and turned pee couch into three piece sectional to relieve some anger. it was also much easier to carry.

Then it was time to bring the new couch down.

Unfortunately, the new couch's narrowest measurement is 31". While my exterior door is 32" wide, the basement door is only 29.5". No couch in my basement. Nope. Now I'm stuck with a couch on my carport, waiting for someone to pick it up. I have a three piece pee couch in my front yard that hopefully the garbage men will take, and two recliners in my movie room... instead of a couch and two recliners.

But best of all... since no one identified the person who hit my van, I have to pay $250.00 in a deductible to get it fixed.

Vantastic.

Many morals to this story:

Buy birthday cards and presents at the same time.

Don't park next to big trucks or SUVs at Target.

Don't rely on passengers to check their side of the car for damage when leaving a parking lot.

Don't get gas from Circle K.

Don't give an Overheated child a milkshake to drink.

Tell your Kids they need to chew their food more thoroughly so their puke is not so chunky.

Get the new furnture inside BEFORE chopping up or moving the old furniture.

Measure new furniture, and your doorways before making any purchase. Even from a yard sale.

WHERE'D YOU GET YOUR LAW DEGREE?

I am not a lawyer. I work with lawyers. I know many lawyers. My best friend is a lawyer. Lawyers irritate the living crap out of me.

Many lawyers see themselves as better than others. They place a great deal of value on that big certificate framed and hung on their wall. That represents thousands of dollars of student loans and 5 to 7 long years of study in school.

The amount of importance a lawyer attaches to their law degree is very distrubingly revealed by the statement so many of them make during an argument: "Where'd You Get YOUR Law Degree?!"

This happens, most often, when an attorney enters into a conversation with a non-attorney, and there is a disagreement. An impasse is reached and the lay person has pointed out something or questioned something and the attorney just can't articulate a response about why their opinion should be taken as the gospel. Out comes the arrogant declaration "And Where'd You Get YOUR Law Degree?!"

It's not really a rhetorical question. Lawyers only use this line when they damn well know their verbal opponent doesn't have a law degree. And it's a signal to that non-lawyer that the conversation should be ended.

Every time I hear the law-degree query, I get pretty angry. A variety of responses swirl in my head, but I know that it is pointless to discuss anything any further with someone so conceited.

I mean, I could point out that lawmakers aren't required to have law-degrees. Or any degrees. Or even high school diplomas.

I could point out that police officers, who enforce the law, aren't required to have law degrees.

I could point out that some Judges, on the town or city level, in some States, don't have to have law degrees.

I could point out that citizens, without law degrees, are expected to follow the law.

I could point out that that the first "lawyers" had to get a degree from folks who didn't have one themselves.

Or, I could point out that there has only been one Jesus Christ, and that no matter how fancy that big diploma is, lawyers are people, and still make mistakes, and can be wrong.

Our legal system is based on the fact that people can be wrong. Every day, lawyers argue in Court, trying to convince a Judge they are right, and their opponent is wrong. If they both were such perfect, infallible geniuses, then how could one of them be wrong? Wouldn't they both reach the same conclusion and the debate would be over before it began?

I know that lawyers aren't the only ones who like to throw around their diploma. It's a standard defense for the mentally weak and lazy to give up trying to debate or explain themselves and fall back on their imagined superiority.

"And how many children do you have?"

"Where'd you go to medical school?"

"You were in the military for how long"

Those are just examples of how every day, in all walks of life, people just refuse to admit they're wrong. Lawyers didn't invent this, they just do it with more vigor and arrogance than anyone.

Yes, a degree is a worthy accomplishment. But sitting in a classroom, reading and listening and testing cannot compete with the same, or more, years of experience from someone who was actually exerting themselves and doing a task, rather than studying it. Experience is the greatest teacher.

And everybody can be wrong. Perfection can't be taught or learned.

Get over yourselves.

Fall is For Family Fun

Finally, the first day of Fall is here.

 

And with it comes the steady stream of family events.

 

Fall is so much better for families. There's no blistering heat nor freezing cold to deal with.

 

Your kids can't make you go swimming- it's too cold.

 

Food is abundant and so are food-centered, fall harvest-type events. Special foods become available in the Fall. Our favorite is Pumpkin-flavored ice cream. Grilling becomes a whole lot more enjoyable in the Fall. No more sitting by the hot grill, in blistering weather sweating while you wait for the meat to sizzle. Slip on a light jacket, enjoy the cool and savor the outdoor cooking time.

 

One of our particular favorite fall family events is the annual trip to the pumpkin patch. There we let the kids slop around in dirty fields, picking their pumpkins. Cost? Fairly cheap. No knick knacks to buy. No admission price. Just pay for the pumpkins. (And hopefully remember to bring bags to carry them in).

 

Even better, Fall trips are short ones. No extended road trips when the kids are back in school. Just short jaunts within your immediate driving area. And road trips aren't just shorter in Fall... the roads are less packed. With school back in session folks tend not to stray so far from home. Which means the amount of lost tourists passing through or visiting your town should hopefully drop off.

 

Fall has two family favorite holidays. Halloween and Thanksgiving. Halloween is great. Maybe a tad expensive with costumes and candy. But think of all the candy parents get to share- either in the form of leftovers you didn't hand out, or sharing in your own kids' gatherings. Thanksgiving? Who doesn't like the annual gorge-fest where we stuff our bird, then ourselves?

 

There's more time for families in Fall. The grass slows down it's growing, and yard work disappears. That means less time in the yard, and more time with the family... or TV.

 

New shows debut in the Fall. Not very many are famly-appropriate but there are always a few. Like this Sunday's "Terra Nova", about a family that journies back in time 83 million years. I plan to watch it with my kids and eat dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets while it's on.

 

Fall is great.