Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Tonight at 8: The Aliens are among us!

(The following article is written entirely tongue-in-cheek, so don't get your panties in a bunch)
Tonight, at 8PM on ABC, the Visitors are coming.
A remake of the classic 80s alien-infestation series comes to TV; the tale of aliens pretending to be friendly, but really are here to take over our world and eat us.
Sadly, life has imitated art, since the 1980s.
I'm talking, of course, about illegal aliens. And their parasitic brain worms.
Unlike David Icke, and his outlandish idea that reptilian aliens have infiltrated human government and are slowly working toward taking over the world (a plot he clearly lifted form the 1980s V series), I'm talking about the very real threat of illegal aliens from parts south.
First off, where do all these illegals come from? Estimates are that 11,000,000 live in the U.S. That's a pretty huge chunk of any population.
Secondly, I don't know about where you live, but the illegals in my area just don't look right. I know I only lived in California for two years, but the hispanic peoples there looked nothing like the folks I see here in sunny, Southern Indiana. There were gorgeous senoritas everywhere I looked in California. But here? Here I've seen a grand total of one, ONE, "gorgeous" senorita in the past two years. Working the drive thru at McDonalds.
For one, the illegals around here are tiny. Like, little green men, or "Greys" tiny. And they abduct people- or at least kids. There have been several cases in my county alone of these little brown men molesting children. Small but dangerous.
I am constantly passing micro hispanics, or Latinoputians, when I'm out, and I am amazed by how small they are. I don't recall seeing so many tiny people when I lived in California. And while I am heavier than I was those 15 years ago, I didn't get any taller.
Then there's the bulbous heads. In Japan, they'd be "super deformed" (look it up, it's a manga reference). They're like toddlers- little bodies, and huge heads.
Manners? Well, none of the latinoputians I see in this area seem to have any. They talk in overly loud voices, rambling their native tongue in what would be considered a rude fashion in any land, or language. There are no meek latinoputians I have encountered. I guess it could be called a Napolean-complex, but he was French...
I have come to the conclusion that these aliens I'm seeing aren't "mexicans" as so many call them, but replicant Mexicans. Or Mexicants. Sad copies of the hard working, friendly, pleasant, well-mannered, God-fearing people I got to know when I lived in California. Perhaps these mexicants are the dregs of their society, and moved to the mid-west because no one would accept them in California. That would explain the unusually high rate of crime the mexicant communities in our area have.
Or maybe they're aliens. Space aliens. Yeah, one of these days, some mexicant woman is going to peel off her face mask, revealing some hideous lizard face. Then she'll eat my hamster.

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