Tuesday, January 05, 2010

GSCE Candidate: Malcolm Reynolds

It's 2010, the Year We Make Contact. That means Scifi needs to get over the Mayan 2012 doomsday "prophecy", post-apocalyptic craze, and embrace space travel. And what better way to celebrate Scifi's outer space roots than by deciding who is the Greatest Starship Captain Ever?
Malcolm Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) from TV's "Firefly series"?
Captain Skills: 3.5
He's an able captain, with a devout crew, so I give him a 3.5; Jane is always back sassing him, so he doesn't get a full 4. When push comes to shove, Malcolm is a thief who uses a spaceship to get away from his crimes. Being a "Captain" is a cover for his criminal activities.
Personal Combat Skills: 3
He's okay with a gun, but wasn't he always getting his ass kicked and disarmed? I think a 3 is applicable here- he's no Kwai Chang Caine nor could he shoot the apple off someone's head. I only give him the 3 because he's a combat-hardened veteran who survived a war.
Starship Combat Skills: 1
The man has NO formal starship combat training. He basically owns, and can somewhat fly, the Serenity. I give him a 1. Grudgingly.
Ladies Man: 1
Reynolds seems more interested in making money, boozing it up, gambling, and his ship. Until the space hooker comes along. Then he becomes all focused on her, pining after her damaged, used goods. Like Han Solo and Princess Leia. Except Solo's fixation is a virgin princess who can kick ass (and pose as a bounty hunter). I give Reynolds a 1 (Han gets a 2 due to his better choice).
Crew: 3.5
The pilot dude, and his hot wife (I watched each episode only once) are awesome crew. Then you've got dysfunctional hired-gun Jane (clearly the real star of the show), a preacher, some nerd doctor and the Femme Fatal, 12 year old ,Peter Pan-type. WTF? What kind of crew is that? Red Shirts could beat all their asses. Peter Pan may be some kind of genetically enhanced super-killer, but let's see her dodge a phaser set on disintegrate.
Coolness: 2
Maybe it's the actor, but I just don't find Reynolds cool. He's no Han Solo, despite the obvious ripoff/homage. (Wussy- Han Solo's ship has guns and torpedos). Still, he's got a devoted fan following, so I grudgingly give a 2.
Total score: 14 out of 30.
Yikes. That's an "F", at less than 50%. Great? I hardly think so...

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